Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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