A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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