I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I look better un-naked...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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