Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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