i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
