But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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