I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
