gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
