I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
