Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
third nipple confirmed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
