i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
