Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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