Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
