she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
