This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
