they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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