My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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