He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
