and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
