Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
