look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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