i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
