I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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