you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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