Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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