"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
