i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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