girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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