Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
