If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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