im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
