she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize