I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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