He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
