waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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