It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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