Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
