If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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