He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
