woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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