I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
