i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize