can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
