I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
