I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
