I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
