You can't motorboat a personality
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
