I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
