Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
