She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't notice because vodka
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
