i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my poor anus
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
