Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
