why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
