so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
