Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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