I need help removing her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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