she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
