it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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