Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
