real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
