That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
