sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
