i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
