well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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