I have demons in me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
