then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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