I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
