i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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