I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
