I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
