she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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