they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
